The real reasons why your friend’s home looks better than yours…
And why it’s time to stop comparing your home to others.
Your friend just re-designed their home, and it looks amazing…
and you admit you are a bit jealous.
You just don’t get it, you follow all the trends and know what’s in and you try and keep up but it just never seems to look as good as that other person’s environment! “What gives!” You say internally.
The things that are actually causing your friend’s home to look better than yours aren’t what you think they are…
The mirage of “perfect”
I know what you may be thinking but - No. She didn’t find the PERFECT rug or stay up all night tracking the latest styles on Instagram. The real reasons your friend’s home looks better than yours run much deeper than that.
I know that that little green monster that shows up when you see someone else’s seemingly perfect space is a deeply uncomfortable feeling. Not because you don’t want your sweet friend to have a gorgeous space of their own, but more because you are confused at why you can’t seem to recreate it for yourself! Let me tell you the secrets of why that other space feels so much better to you than even your own home does.
When you live in comparison, you lose your creative voice…
I’ve seen it time and time again. Heck, I’ve even got countless clients because one of my clients’ friends saw their home complete and wanted their space to look like theirs did!
But everyone always gets one thing wrong… In comparison they think that they want their home to LOOK like their friends (perhaps with a couple of personal touches) but what they are really after is that they want their home to FEEL like their friend’s home! A process that is a lot deeper and less obvious.
Typically designers focus on LOOKS missing out on the main emotional drivers behind a beautiful and functional environment.
When you discover the real reasons that your friend’s home looks better than yours, you realize that you have always been empowered to create the same feeling in your own space, no matter what you have been told.
Are you hyper-focused on the design details?…
When you realize what is going on energetically in a beautiful environment you can take your power back in your own environment. See where you are holding yourself back in your own space and make the necessary emotional changes to create the environment that you have always dreamed of!
When you stop focusing on the details stemming from a feeling of personal lack, you can actually focus on what you want and what makes you unique deep down.
If instead you are ok continuously comparing yourself to others in real life or in made-up images online you will definitely miss out on what you can create in your own spaces.
Now here are the REAL reasons why your friend’s home looks (and feels) better than yours!
They didn’t rush it!
If you admire someone’s environment, and it actually feels good in the space… Guaranteed the owner of that environment didn’t rush the design process. They collected things that they loved over time. They didn’t give themselves an arbitrary deadline, freak out over long lead times, knee jerk buy objects just to fill their space, or to stay “in style” whatever that means!
2. They didn’t buy the new crap at [Insert big box store here].
Your friend doesn’t suffer from shiny new object syndrome. They know just because something new looks cute on the shelf right now that that object speaks to a VERY FLEETING moment in time. If they like that new thing they wait on it, they even may leave the store… and only when that object continues to entrance them do they even THINK about sharing their environment with that piece!
3. They thought about the big picture and how they want to use their space before they started.
When your friend entered their empty new space they thought about how they wanted to live, over how it was going to look. The reason for this is that your friend already understands their individual aesthetic so making it cute wasn’t the main worry. They use what they have as support for their lifestyle making confident decisions within their taste that serve both purposes. This process made it easy for your friend not to make mistakes in their space.
*do you know your own unique aesthetic? Would you like to discover it? Click Here!
4. They don’t keep things that made them feel bad juju.
This is so important.
The reason the space feels and looks good is because your friend only keeps things that speak to their current energy. They don’t keep that picture frame that never fit their aesthetic just because their Aunt may see that it’s missing.
See… when you keep things that illicit bad feelings like, “Eh I don’t like that, but I “have to” keep that for this or that person, or that doesn’t fit me but its a perfectly fine object…”
You are splitting your energy IN YOUR OWN ENVIRONMENT.
You have so many “shoulds” in the outside world, please don’t make yourself fit into lame boxes in your own space.
Donate that damn picture frame please! (Feel free to tell your Aunt that your friend fell in love with it and you gifted it to her!)
5. They didn’t ask for style permission (AKA They trust themselves)
When designing their space your friend consulted their inner guidance. Yes… they may have found outside images that aligned with their vibe and showed what they like as visual inspiration.
However, when it came to making REAL choices they went with their gut.
This wasn’t scary for them because they have already established what their aesthetic is, and why they are attracted to what they are attracted to.
Would you like a way to uncover your own creative language? Check out Depth Design here.
6. Now don’t take this personally but, they have a longer attention span.
Your friend decided that their environment being put together was an important part of their life. Can you recall making the same purposeful decision in your own environment? If not this is the most important step when engaging with your environment.
Your friend decided to be intentional with their energy and focus on creating a space that served them, built only from things that deeply spoke to them.
This means that they didn’t rush it, didn’t stress about it, and didn’t put an arbitrary timeframe on “getting it done”.
This also means that they didn’t compromise or choose things that didn’t end up really working for them and their aesthetic.
7. They weren’t afraid to edit.
Your friend is constantly engaging with their space through the lens of where they are at now. Even when they have very much loved a piece in their environment they always look at it critically. Does it still work for them and how they want to live? Is it the best piece to support them? They don’t get attached to things out of fear. They know that they can always create a beautiful space and engage with practices like donation and thrifting within the circular economy to accomplish a space that really works for them at the moment!
8. They didn’t look to others for the answers…
One thing I want to mention here, that is super important to pay attention to is that your friend with the amazing house… never compared themselves to someone else or someone else’s environment.
They weren’t worried about how other people were living because they have focused their energy on figuring out what is right for them.
Not being “in” or following a specific trend, copying someone else’s aesthetic, or stressing over if every detail is “right”.
This is the main problem in the design industry, and honestly every industry in our society.
I’ve had many clients who come to me looking for their perfect environment and end up stressing out about every little detail. Because they haven’t grounded their own creative ideas in a direction that is meaningful for them, it’s all too easy to get swept up into the rat race of comparison and keeping up with the Jones’.
This is why I practice holistic interior design, starting with who you are on a deeper level so that we can use this as your creative inspiration, instead of designers competing with your creative direction or companies trying to take your money from a place of lack.
If you are interested in looking deeper into what Holistic Interior Design is check this out!
Before you embark on a new project because “your friend’s house looks so much better than yours”…remember what I have shared with you.
If you still want to go through with your project make sure you start with who you are and what you deeply what out of the experience of your life before you begin!
Let me know if you guys found any of these deeper reasons helpful.
Thank you so much for reading!
Love,